(WIAT) – Parent: it’s never been an easy title to hold. But modern parents have more tools available than ever before, allowing them to keep track of their children and family members- even down to how fast their car is driving.
Life360 (https://www.life360.com) offers detailed tracking services, plus messaging and driver protect services that tell you exactly how fast your family members are driving.
Find My Friends (https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/find-my-friends/id466122094?mt=8) is a simplified version that provides instant tracking services and is a common app found on most iPhones.
But what’s the right balance of traditional parenting measures, combined with new technology? How far is too far when it comes to tracking your kids?
“When they got their first phone it was either 7th or 8th grade,” Craig Martin, a father of 4 teenagers, said. “We trust them now; we have a trust that has developed over time. We really don’t have to track them.”
But Martin says he has tracked his kids in the past, and could still do it if needed. His family uses the Life360 app, billed as “the new family circle.” The free app allows you to see every detail of your family members’ day, including how fast they drove, where they’ve been and currently are, and even a 30 day history of their location at every second.
Martin says he was upfront with his kids about the rules of using a phone that he was paying for, adding that he and his wife felt they had the right to access their children’s locations for safety purposes, and say their children generally agreed.
But there is a right and wrong way to track your kids, according to some child psychologists.
“I really am a believer in being transparent,” Dr. Dale Wisley, a child psychologist and the director of student services at Mountain Brook City Schools.
Wiseley has spent decades as a psychologist dealing with young people.
“Sometimes, parents, what they’re really after is a chance to kinda catch their kids. Some parents will engage in kind of a secret surveillance, they’re tracking their kids and their kids don’t know it. I prefer an approach where you make it absolutely clear to the young person what you’re doing,” Wiseley added.
While some families have never had to use the apps beyond day-to-day communication, others have needed them in dire moments. The Madden family credits the “Find Friends” iPhone app with virtually saving their 15-year-old daughter’s life.
“I’m really grateful for that app,” Morgan Madden, a 9th grader, said.
Morgan says that when she was younger, she frequently lied to her parents about her location. Her parents secretly added the tracking app onto her phone, allowing them to see her location at the time they needed it the most. She says she was hanging out with a bad group of kids, and feels her parents came to her rescue at just the right moment, all thanks to the tracking app.
“I was dating this really unhealthy guy and was lying to my parents a bunch. Not so great stuff was going on. So them doing it at the time, I hated them,” Morgan said. “And I was like ‘why the hell did you do that’ but they really saved my reputation and where I am today.”
Because of the app, her mother says the family has regained a sense of trust.
“Trust. A lot of work. Honesty. Believing that families can heal. That needed to happen.
And it’s been what I would probably call a miracle that we are where we are today,” Morgan’s mother, Joye Madden, said.
Morgan and her mom agree that the best way to track your kids is to be upfront, honest, and to help them understand why it’s being done.
“I think the best way to do it is to sit down and have a conversation and that way they don’t feel like they are being followed. We ended up having an agreement and a contract that if she removed it from her phone then she lost her phone,” Joye Madden added.
Dr. Wisely argues that parenting is all about relationships and that sneaking an app onto your child’s phone only erodes that relationship.
“Technology should not be a substitute for the hard work of being a good parent in the life of a child,” Wisely said.
Morgan Madden believes transparency is key, adding “I realized their true intentions are to take care of me. To not punish me. Like all they really care about is my safety.”